Carnivores: Dinosaur Hunter

One day, descendants of the dinosaurs that invented space travel and set off to explore the universe in the late Cretaceous will come back to survey the planet they evolved on and to check to see how the hairies have done since they left the primitive beasts 65 million years ago.
"Avert your eyes crewmates! They've ruined the birth planet. Look at it! It is sick and dying yet still they rape and pillage it." "We should destroy them with our space dino lasers and wipe their fragile little existence off of the face of the birth world. Give me that order sir and it will be done without a moments hesitation" "Belay that order! Let them revel in their own filth, dirt and dust until they suffocate themselves. Let the last remaining hairy ones look each other in the eye under a scorched sky and realise that they have doomed themselves into extinction. They won't last another century I'd wager.""Sir! Our scans have shown that they... I can't believe it sir! Our scans of their limited technology shows that have desecrated the remains of our ancestors and recreated them in virtual play pens where the hairy ones hunt down our naked ancestors. They depict our glorious lineage as nothing but featherless savages who exist only to endlessly fight each other in desert and jungle type localities.""Why would they simulate the hunting of our poor defenceless brethren? What perverted race creates such sycophantic fantasies? Imagine if they ever created technology that allowed them to escape this hell they have created for themselves? This seals their fate. Ready the space dino laser!"

"One last question sir! Why do we call ourselves dinosaurs? That would make no sense?"


Attack of the Verbose Dinosaur

Who says games are all evil? Who says games can't educate? Who says that the shocking pulsating bag of creations that game designers call 'dinosaurs' seem to be accurate according to fifty year old scientific consensus? ME. ME ON THAT LAST ONE. For example, let's take a look at the Xbox Live marketplace title, Attack of the Verbose Dinosaur.
Mother of the mechanisms that lead to the improbable evolution of life as we know it! What is that? Look at that posture? Why is it in a city? Why does it want to affront the street creole that now passes as the language known as English? According to the official trailer this is the last of the dinosaurs and he lived at the bottom of the sea and learned to read from the books that would fall from shipwrecks. He was happy until he got the internet whereupon he decides to seek vengeance on those who abused the beautiful language. Sounds reasonable I suppose. Makes more sense than the plot of Jurassic Park.
Here's the scoop:

Dinosauriness: One incredibly arthritic, overweight internet surfing, book reading, angry marine 'dinosaur' that is some kind of carnosaurian-godzilla love child.

Scientific Accuracy: Unfortunately, the teeth seem to be built into a continuous bar, one on the upper jaw and one on the mandible. Apart from this single slip up this is a pretty accurate recreation 9/10.

Buzz Bonus: I cannot spell dissappear, tommorrow or suprise. I used to be able to but my brain cells are starting to die from playing all those awful Land Before Time GBA games.

Sonic and the Secret Rings

If I was a lazy games hack I'd start this post going on about how Sonic used to be so great and how recently the games haven't been a patch on the older games and how Sega's flogging of a dead hedgehog is retrospectively ruining my childhood memories. I won't though because Sonic Rush was actually alright and OMG SONIC AND THE SECRET RINGS HAS Triceratops in it. Egg on my face, only earlier today I was bemoaning the lack of dinosaur love on the Wii.

My exclusive hands-off review: A return to form for Sonic the hedgehog! Sonic, Sega and Dinosaur fans belatedly rejoice this three year old game! Huzzah! Hurrah! Sonic is back. Sure Triceratops can run that fast. And sure carnosaurs were bright pink. That's reasonable. 10/10

Dinosaurs Strike

Does Pokemon play a little too well for you? Want the chance to fight against anachronistic objects that normally don't have agency on the big screen?

Then today is your lucky day reader because Combat of Giants Dinosaur Strike for the Wii was just announced. A November launch date has been slated.

I was mildly surprised by the DS game Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs. Its dinosaur customisation, arena based combat, unique evolution mechanism as well as combat against tractors stood it apart from the usual run-of-the-mill-shoddy-boring-miss-the-point-dinosaur-pokemon-clones and we haven't had a decent Wii based dinosaur or other prehistoric animal related game since Sea Monsters. Scratch that. We haven't had any decent Wii dinosaur based games in the UK. Oh, Jurassic: The hunted, WHEN WILL THEY PORT YOU?