Carnivores: Dinosaur Hunter

One day, descendants of the dinosaurs that invented space travel and set off to explore the universe in the late Cretaceous will come back to survey the planet they evolved on and to check to see how the hairies have done since they left the primitive beasts 65 million years ago.
"Avert your eyes crewmates! They've ruined the birth planet. Look at it! It is sick and dying yet still they rape and pillage it." "We should destroy them with our space dino lasers and wipe their fragile little existence off of the face of the birth world. Give me that order sir and it will be done without a moments hesitation" "Belay that order! Let them revel in their own filth, dirt and dust until they suffocate themselves. Let the last remaining hairy ones look each other in the eye under a scorched sky and realise that they have doomed themselves into extinction. They won't last another century I'd wager.""Sir! Our scans have shown that they... I can't believe it sir! Our scans of their limited technology shows that have desecrated the remains of our ancestors and recreated them in virtual play pens where the hairy ones hunt down our naked ancestors. They depict our glorious lineage as nothing but featherless savages who exist only to endlessly fight each other in desert and jungle type localities.""Why would they simulate the hunting of our poor defenceless brethren? What perverted race creates such sycophantic fantasies? Imagine if they ever created technology that allowed them to escape this hell they have created for themselves? This seals their fate. Ready the space dino laser!"

"One last question sir! Why do we call ourselves dinosaurs? That would make no sense?"


Attack of the Verbose Dinosaur

Who says games are all evil? Who says games can't educate? Who says that the shocking pulsating bag of creations that game designers call 'dinosaurs' seem to be accurate according to fifty year old scientific consensus? ME. ME ON THAT LAST ONE. For example, let's take a look at the Xbox Live marketplace title, Attack of the Verbose Dinosaur.
Mother of the mechanisms that lead to the improbable evolution of life as we know it! What is that? Look at that posture? Why is it in a city? Why does it want to affront the street creole that now passes as the language known as English? According to the official trailer this is the last of the dinosaurs and he lived at the bottom of the sea and learned to read from the books that would fall from shipwrecks. He was happy until he got the internet whereupon he decides to seek vengeance on those who abused the beautiful language. Sounds reasonable I suppose. Makes more sense than the plot of Jurassic Park.
Here's the scoop:

Dinosauriness: One incredibly arthritic, overweight internet surfing, book reading, angry marine 'dinosaur' that is some kind of carnosaurian-godzilla love child.

Scientific Accuracy: Unfortunately, the teeth seem to be built into a continuous bar, one on the upper jaw and one on the mandible. Apart from this single slip up this is a pretty accurate recreation 9/10.

Buzz Bonus: I cannot spell dissappear, tommorrow or suprise. I used to be able to but my brain cells are starting to die from playing all those awful Land Before Time GBA games.

Sonic and the Secret Rings

If I was a lazy games hack I'd start this post going on about how Sonic used to be so great and how recently the games haven't been a patch on the older games and how Sega's flogging of a dead hedgehog is retrospectively ruining my childhood memories. I won't though because Sonic Rush was actually alright and OMG SONIC AND THE SECRET RINGS HAS Triceratops in it. Egg on my face, only earlier today I was bemoaning the lack of dinosaur love on the Wii.

My exclusive hands-off review: A return to form for Sonic the hedgehog! Sonic, Sega and Dinosaur fans belatedly rejoice this three year old game! Huzzah! Hurrah! Sonic is back. Sure Triceratops can run that fast. And sure carnosaurs were bright pink. That's reasonable. 10/10

Dinosaurs Strike

Does Pokemon play a little too well for you? Want the chance to fight against anachronistic objects that normally don't have agency on the big screen?

Then today is your lucky day reader because Combat of Giants Dinosaur Strike for the Wii was just announced. A November launch date has been slated.

I was mildly surprised by the DS game Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs. Its dinosaur customisation, arena based combat, unique evolution mechanism as well as combat against tractors stood it apart from the usual run-of-the-mill-shoddy-boring-miss-the-point-dinosaur-pokemon-clones and we haven't had a decent Wii based dinosaur or other prehistoric animal related game since Sea Monsters. Scratch that. We haven't had any decent Wii dinosaur based games in the UK. Oh, Jurassic: The hunted, WHEN WILL THEY PORT YOU?

More Jurassic Park Games?

Read all abaat it here.

This could be the dawn of a new era in dinosaur related games. For so long I've been saying that Jurassic Park should be turned into a series of games.


Dinosaurs vs. Sharks

The official Nintendo magazine is running this brilliant non-competition forum members have been asked to create a Dinosaurs vs Shark microgame on Warioware DIY. Why a 'non' competition you ask? Well that's because dinosaurs would so obviously win. On land. Maybe not so much in the sea.

Either way if you fancy your chances you should enter!

Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs

I'll be honest, when Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs first came onto the radar there was more than a little bit of eye rolling. Like a crufts judge getting a handful of the testes to check pedigree lets quickly metaphorically check the nads of CoG:D. This is a quietly released, Ubisoft DS game. Chances are it isn't going to be picking up GOTY awards. Even the front cover doesn't really give anything away. I was expecting something between the awful awful 101 Dino Pets and the pokemon-alike-games like Dinosaur King. Unfortunately, critical damage to the touch screen of my original DS meant that even though I had CoG:D I couldn't play it. The lovely DSiXL changed all that....

Well reader, much like the newly diagnosed hermaphrodite teen I was pleasantly surprised by this game! You get to choose a dinosaur (you have to start with the sauropod and unlock others later) to take through various arenas with the objective of collecting 100 gold eggs and completing a five part fossil skeleton. Some of the eggs are rewarded for unsurprisingly, beating other dinosaurs in combat and the fossil bits are hidden in uninspiring looking domes of mud that you have to visit on your way around the arena. The arenas are also filled with non egg-rewarding dinosaurs which you may wish to avoid or combat. The combat itself requires choosing and attack and then having to accurately draw a line shape. The stronger the attack the more complicated the line in the shape of a dinosaur head, arms, leg or whole body. The better and quicker you fill in the line, the better your attack. So far, so what right? But the brilliant bit comes later. When you earn enough eggs you can buy various upgrades for your dinosaur allowing a surprising amount of customisation. After the first couple of arenas you unlock the ability to change the colour of your dinosaur but also you can buy 'evolutions' for a number of slots on the body. These take three types. You can either boost attack by buying bony spikes, boost the amount of health you regain using defensive moves by buying what appears to be metal plate armour or boost the number of attacks you can make by decorating your dinosaur with feathers. The best bit is that you actually see the upgrades on your dino. If you get a bit battered in combat then you can replenish health by drinking water or eating bananas? You can also attempt to dissuade the NPDs from battle with a vocal warning meaning you don't have to fight every single dinosaur per arena to proceed. In yet another bizarre twist, occasionally when looking for the fossil pieces you stumble across a mystery combatant which takes the form of commonplace static objects.

I never really realised how much I wanted to play as a pitch black with green tiger stripes, armour plated Brachiosaur with bony spikes coming out of it's face and fancy feathers on the tail attacking a particularly vicious phone box until it happened. I won't regale the epic clashes with a house or a tractor either. Let's do this.

Dinosauriness: I'm yet to play through all the arenas and unlock em all but there are a healthy number of dinosaurs as well as a bunch of inert objects. I'll update the list here when I'm done.

Scientific Accuracy: Well, armour plating, phone boxes, automobiles and nose bone weapons aside I hate to bring down the mood by calling foul on this one. Bananas are suspect too and when the combat starts to get heavy, dare I say it, the sauropods start to do 'combos'. The feather problem normally par for the course in dinosaur games is cleverly dealt with with the crazy customisation tool. Physiologically shall we say, challenging, combos.

Buzz Bonus:On the upside though, this is by far the most comprehensive dinosaur customisation in video games (Spore doesn't count because everything looks like a muppet any approximation to a dinosaur you make is but a muppet dinosaur rather than a dinosaur muppet).

Dotting t's and crossing i's

Reader Grady [quite rightly] has emailed in to point out that Mamoswine was not included in this post all those months ago. Mamoswine is a mammoth-in-disguise which can be found in Pokemon Diamond, Pearl, Heart Gold, Soul Silver, many of the Mystery Dungeons, Pokemon Battle Revolution and perhaps some of those WiiWare games.
The writers of Cunzy1 1's Dinosaurs in Games Blog do not hesitate to point out that the exclusion was no reflection on Mamoswine and was a mere oversight. Consider this post a formal apology!

Jurassic: The Hunted

We got pretty excited when we heard about Jurassic: The Hunted last year so it is without a hint of sadness to discover that it came out with AN ALMIGHTY WHIMPER!
Only two reviews on Metacritic and not so much as a sniffter of an EU release. We're used to hunting down obscure and unsuccessful dinosaur related games on auction websites but not when they were published by Activision! What is the world coming to when a dinosaur game with this kind of pedigree fizzles to release? More on this when we get it.

UPDATE: My co-author, Richie! over at That Guy's A Maniac took justice into his VERY OWN HANDS and contacted Activision about the EU release, they had this to say:

"Unfortunately, we cannot answer questions about a game until it has been released. All new game information is available on the website or in our press releases."

Having just spent the last twenty minutes waiting for all those ridiculous flash videos to load up (why do publishers insist on website design circa 1990? Hello! User friendly!) we cannot find any news related to Jurassic: The Hunted. SO WE@RE TAKING THIS AS CONFIRMATION THAT IT WILL BE COMING OUT SOON! You heard this juicy morsel of dinosaur game related news here first people!

Dino D-Day

Many think Half Life 2 to be a great game. Maybe the best game. But it was missing two vital things.

List of things Half Life 2 was missing
1) Nazis
2) Dinosaurs

Heroes, nay Legends! correct these errors people:

Fingers crossed everyone that Dinosaurs become the new zombies in games.

Spare a thought for B.C.

Pretty exciting2010 is the year for dinosaur games readers. I can feel it in my waters but before we get all worked up for behemoths like the awesome Dinosaur D-Day let us spare a thought for a little gem that never made it to market. Today readers we stare at our shoes for two minutes for Lionhead's aborted B.C.
Neck it, neck it, neck it172 Million years ago it was the Jurassic period. 71 999 994 years later, Lie Head Peter Molyneux broke the news that a little game that Lionhead had been working on for the Xbox had been canceled. That game was B.C. or BC or B.C? . It is perhaps one of the most annoying games to look for on an internet search engine is what it is which is some kind of accolade. Anyway, BC would have been a game that celebrated the apocryphal co-existence of dinosaur and caveman as illustrated by many early silver screen dinosaur forays. Even to this day the artwork looks very nice and the game would have set the player in the shoes of (well third person so 10m behind the shoes of) a caveman chieftan who had to lead his tribe off of the menu and well details get sketchy. As you can see from the above and below screens though it had dinosaurs in it which makes us sad to think this is one prehistoric world we won't get to be a part of :(
So far so good and so old but there is a petition to get it going again if you think the world needs a bit more dinosaurs in games. Which it MOST DEFINITELY DOES. So go sign it you loons.